so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
