So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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