So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
