after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
