32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
