Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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