He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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