What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love having hate sex.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
