"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
