pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You are a genius and a whore.
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