In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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