I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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