I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her vagine was all disorganized.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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