piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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