Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
