I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am naked and annoyed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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