Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
