Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
