you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
