I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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