I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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