You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
