There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
