do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
