1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
