He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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