i permit you to call me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
