You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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