Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That accounts for only three of the penises
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
