I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
