I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
