very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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