I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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