You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
