dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
