He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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