I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
