I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
