I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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