why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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