i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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