I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
