I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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