i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ok first of all what the fuck
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