How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
