It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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