I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
