um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
its liver damage thursday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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