why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
