She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
