i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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