"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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