she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
