I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
