I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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