Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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