I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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