I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
