We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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