I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
