I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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