clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
