We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
