what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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