Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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