i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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