apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
