is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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