Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
