xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
