You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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