I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
