I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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