New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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