So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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