and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
