i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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